Date #5 – The Three Way
I usually set the scene in my head and then slowly tease myself, adjusting the speed to mimic the pulses, eventually going faster and faster. Then as I hear my panting getting louder, I open my eyes to see how wet I am on the dildo, and then I catch myself in the mirror and cue internal voice: What are you doing? Are things so bad that you have to get your sexy on with a bright pink dick? Like, really? Sexy scene over. Dildo flung on the floor. Duvet over head. It’s over. Needs suppressed. This is how it used to be. Since Sienna, I have made myself cum four times. No wait… I don’t think you understand… this is a big deal! Being shown how to cum by a woman made me feel empowered and sexy, in a completely different way to what men give, and solo porn watching. A woman knows what a woman wants. She tapped into what I couldn’t find for myself. Her touch. Her everything was soft and sensual, and now I need to communicate this to a man… to Shane.
As you know, I have been avoiding him. He knows this too now, as I haven’t returned one phone call. I still feel guilty, and now I am ready to communicate this to him, he deserves to know the truth. I called him and he answered. “Hey, you are alive then?” he said casually, with a smudge of a dig. It was light and breezy, but I heard the real tone which was simply “WHAT??”
“Babe I know I have been avoiding you, and I’m sorry. Please can I come round and explain?” Night turned into day, tumbleweed rolled across the ground, day turned into night before the cockerel crowed symbolising morning had indeed come again. Shane made me wait. The silence was unbearable. “I’m here,” he said before putting the phone down on me. Normally I would phone back and cuss with “Don’t you ever put the phone down on me! Forget who you think you are, know who I am?” But I didn’t. I knew I had hurt him, and he just invited me round in a closed way, which might I add was sexy as hell. Out of respect I told him by text that I would be there in an hour.
I went round looking effortless, but I had made an effort. He opened the door and was wearing a tight vest and grey tracksuit bottoms. He looked effortless, but he too had made an effort, as I smelt the cologne when I walked past him and into the living room at his invitation. I caught myself smiling and quickly had to change it to a more sombre affair. He was pissed, and he was not going to let me get away with it.
We sat down and I began. “Babe I’m so sorry I didn’t return your calls, I just needed time to think. I really, really like being with you, but I have an issue that I feel so embarrassed about.”
“Oh my God you have an STD??” he jumped in.
“WHAT! NOOO I do not. I don’t sleep around, and me and condoms are best friends – you know this!!!” I said angrily.
“Don’t get vex at me, what was I supposed to think? Look how you said it on top of how you have been acting.”
“I know, I know. I – I -I just,” I said, spluttering.
“Just spit it out woman.”
“I’m trying to, but you keep interrupting me.”
“Naddine, I mean it, just say it.”
“Okay okay,” I said, before taking a deep breath. “I am struggling, because I love being with you, but… you’re pale.” Cue internal voice: Oh no you frickin didn’t just say it like that. What is wrong with you? “Oh God, what I meant to say is…”
I couldn’t say anything else, cos he was laughing uncontrollably. I saw tumbleweed go by before he finally stopped. “Seriously, that is why you have been avoiding me?”
“Ok so in the STD scheme of things, this is nothing, but its a real thing for me. I am not a racist or a shadeist, well I must be a shadeist, cos my problem is that you’re pale… sorry… much lighter than me. Your skin colour is bringing up things I didn’t know were there, because you are the first white man I have slept with. Am I making sense?”
“So tell me more of what is going on for you,” he said inquisitively.
“I am still trying to piece it all together and that is why I am finding it hard to explain”.
He beckoned for me to stand up, which I did. He then hugged me and said, “I have been looked at with disapproving eyes and spat at for dating black girls. You are having an internal and external battle, and it doesn’t appear to be easy. I understand some parts, and others I try to understand through your eyes.” He then whispered in my ear, “I have missed you and right now I wanna know how I make you feel, cos you make me feel good. Your shade brings a glow to mine,” he said, whilst cupping my face with his big hands and then kissing me.
– Pause –
LARD GOD I nearly fainted in his arms! WHAT THE HELL! I never would have imagined this scenario.
I was speechless, no words to say, so I showed him. I headed south. He deserved it. Having partially explained my issue, my acceptance of him became more solid, it was very strange. In that moment I realised that Shane is like Brian, Nia Long’s fiance in The Best Man Holiday, played by Eddie Cibrian. He is like hot white chocolate, different class and league. However, I know that being affectionate in public is likely to bring up the same issue, which I will have to address or choose not to handle, a different day.
“So… as I am being honest with you, I have something else I need to tell you,” I said, pulling away from his long kiss.
“Go on,” he said nervously.
“Erm… I had girl-on-girl action a few weeks back.” I rushed it out, and expected the long silence to follow again.
“WHAT?? Erm… what? So what happened? How? What?” he said in disbelief and curiosity.
I pushed him on the couch, straddled him and said, “I will show you.” I saw the confusion on his face and I heard my own confusion when the words left my mouth, but I went with it. I kissed him passionately and then whispered, “That is how she kissed me.” I touched him all over and again and expressed that is how she touched. I took my time and spoke now and then, further conjuring up the images in his mind, whilst he felt the sensual soft touches and sensations. After some time he said, “How did she f*ck you then?” I heard the sarcasm, and with a smile I got up and walked over to my bag and pulled out the bright pink fake dick. He was still smirking, but soon stopped when I made him watch without touching me, as I played with my toy.
“You like watching, huh?” I said in my sexy voice? I was in THE ZONE and it felt good. He heard my breathing intensify, he saw my back arching and I guess he couldn’t take any more, because he took the dildo out of my hand and replaced it with his dick, covered in a peppermint ribbed condom. I gasped and gasped and gasped. We came together. He looked at me and said with a smirk, “She couldn’t have done it like that!”
“No baby, you the man,” I said kissing and biting his lip, like I was some sort of insatiable vampire. “Baby I have missed you and I’m sorry.”
I went to the bathroom to shower, and when I walked out he was on the phone. I walked nearer to him and I heard “So are you bi- sexual?” My ears pricked up. “So do you do threesomes?” I looked at him and saw that he was on my phone. “Who are you talking to?” I mouthed. He mouthed back, “Sienna.” I just walked into a conversation that I had no idea how it began, and my mind was swirling. “Give me the phone,” I demanded. He whispered “No.” “So what are you doing now? Okay. Do you want to come over?” I grabbed the phone out of his hand.
“Sienna I’m really sorry, pay no attention to him.”
“Don’t worry about it hun, I’m gonna come over.” I was shocked by her response.
“Um… why?” I asked.
“To have some fun of course!” She said laughing.
“Well I wont be here,” I said, and put the phone down.
“Dahling what is wrong with you?” Shane said casually.
“I don’t do threesomes, I don’t share and right now don’t call me dahling. I like you, and yes, although I have a few issues to work through, I don’t need jealousy to be another.”
“Oh come on, it’s a bit of fun.”
“You are not getting it,” I stressed to him, “what happened with her was a fluke. I enjoyed it cos I learnt from it, and here I am giving you the benefit. I don’t want a threesome.”
“Okay, but it’s just that I am intrigued now. She sounds hot… come on…”
I started throwing my clothes on hurriedly. He came up to me and held me from behind. “Come on, loosen up, I wanna watch you with her, and I won’t get involved if you don’t want me to.”
I said “No” as I broke out of his lovely firm arms. “I like you and you will want to touch her, then what? There’s no going back after this.”
“You’re being silly petal… Come on stay, let’s have some fun.” I walked out and slammed the door behind me, in tears. I don’t share. You let another women in the bed you share with your man, and well, you are asking for drama. I don’t do drama.
Looks like I am alone again this Christmas. Oh well, let’s hope the New Year brings me more luck? Cheers.
© Naddine Bentley 2013