Ask The People: What Is The Worst Date You Have Been On, Or That Was Suggested To You?
A friend of a friend met a guy. When he suggested they go on a date, she agreed and asked what he was thinking they could do. In all seriousness he said that they could take his dog for a walk in the park. She laughed thinking he was joking, but he said “Why not? It’s cheap, and me and my dog do everything together. You would love my dog.” Suffice to say, the date didn’t go ahead.
Have you ever been on a terrible date? Was it anything like these horror stories that were submitted?
‘His house burned down while he was attempting to play with my tiddies. His little cousin was running from the cops, pulled into the garage, the engine was hot and caught on fire. I heard “House on fire!” I had to grab my sh*t and run out. I felt sorry for him, he lost everything. Next day I gave him $500.’
‘My worst was when I met up with him at the agreed area, then he said that he’d just bought an £800 bed & mattress, so he doesn’t want to go to a bar, as had been planned, otherwise he’d make a fool of himself with no money. But he can’t make a fool of himself at his house, because he already has drink there. No thanks, I said. So he suggested just going for a drive then. We got to his car and he told me that I can’t sit in the passenger side, because he’d had a little accident and the door won’t open, so I had to sit in the back like a taxi passenger. Then he drove to his place to get a jacket, because he was feeling a bit cold in his flannel tracksuit, then decided to drop me at the train station. Waste of my bloody time.’
‘It was going well until he planned out the next 5 years of my life on a napkin and gave it to me to keep…’
‘I told a man NOT to take me to the Trades Union Club, THREE TIMES, and where did we end up going? The FRICKING Trades Union Club, which was at the other end of the City. Halfway through the ‘date’ he pulled out an onion and proceeded to eat it. On the bus ride home, he then started to regale me with stories of ‘Spanish Fly’ and ‘Chiney Brush’ (sexual enhancements shall we say) on account of him being Jamaican Chinese… It has taken 30,000 gallons of vodka and years of therapy to get over it…’
‘The only date I’ve been on I consider bad now I just laugh about. This lady I knew called me one morning and asked me what I was doing right then. I didn’t have to be at work till later, so I said what’s up. She asked me out to breakfast. I said “cool, where would you like to go?” She said IHOP. I said OK, and told her I’d meet her there. I was dressed for IHOP – jeans, sneakers, polo shirt. I get there and she’s got on fly slacks, stilettos, business blouse, I’m like “Damn!” Thinking: “For IHOP?” So then when we get seated, we talk. Then we order. I order regular breakfast stuff. She then orders the most expensive sh*t on the menu. I start laughing in my mind, ’cause this is IHOP and nothing is expensive. So after I finish my food, I see she only ate a little bit of the food. Then she told them to toss it. I paid the check, and then while finishing up my OJ, she says to me – her exact words -“Baby I just need to ask you, can I borrow a light $100?” I told her I didn’t have it, put on my coat and left her ass in IHOP. It was our first and last date.’
‘After waiting for this sexy guy to finally ask me out, he drove me round to a block of flats, put his hand in my breast and asked if we were going to f*ck. P*ssed was an understatement! Told that fool to drive me home and lose my number!’
‘When a guy offered to take me to Burger King for lunch… This guy didn’t know me and was trying to get my number and when he said that sh*t.’
‘One time me and an ex were going to Thorpe Park, and he had a nasal issue. I said: “You need to blow your nose,” and he picked his nose, tried to wipe it on his trousers, then put it in his mouth then spat it out the window. I wanted to vomit instantly! That relationship was OVER.’
‘What happened to my best friend was she and the dude were chilling in the park on a nice day. He was adamant about going to the diner, only for the bill to come and the fool only had $3.’
‘One time I went on a date, then the dude was like “Oh I’m sorry, I ain’t been paid yet…” We were meant to go for a picnic, but I decided I wanted chicken and chips and that we could buy some other stuff in Tesco. So we went to the chip shop, then he asked them if they take cards, and the man said no, so he said to me “You pay and I will pay you back!” When we get to Tesco, he waited till the last minute to say he forgot he ain’t been paid. I was sooooo angry!! Picnic went ahead, but I never saw him again.’
‘My worse date was when a dude asked me to go to the movies, then told me I had to choose to either get my movie paid for, or get my snacks paid for, because he said he couldn’t afford both.’
‘I once went on a date and the guy got upset when I asked what restaurant we were going to. He said: “How can you leave your house with an empty belly?” Can you imagine?? I literally had to explain to him what a date was, then I proceeded to tell him about himself. I didn’t even let him drop me home – TAXI!’
‘It was kinda of like ‘Catfish’ without the falling in love part. The man had a picture of himself looking cute, then what was coming towards me was The Nutty Professor before the potion.’
Any other stories, Lurvlees?