Date #12 – Mission Over …But Still Continuing!
Well here we are, my last posting. I cannot believe 12 months has arrived so quickly, and yet when I read back on my past experiences, some seem like a lifetime ago.
I began this whole journey, because I felt I could be doing more to get what I wanted. Not any man – my man. Partner. Husband. My mission led me to internet dating, being courageous, listening to my gut and knowing my worth. There was, of course, no guarantee that I would get my end goal within that time, but the journey has been interesting and I have gained as a result.
What comes naturally seems to play second fiddle to social media, and as a result I can see how expectations, standards and – dare I say – unspoken rules have changed. I was reluctant about internet dating and having tried it, I am still not really convinced it is for me. As a result, I need to make more of an effort to go out to new places to meet new people, though as no one really makes eye contact or has the courage to speak in the moment (Rush Hour Crush in The Metro proves that). I may not fare any better. #firstworldproblems.
I am now 35 years old and, well, 34 looks better and sounds less harsh on paper. But hey-ho, this is my age and “It tis what it tis dharling” (Thank God for Zsa Zsa Gabor eh?). Despite the social pressure that I see and feel from the media (“After 30 you have 25 per cent of your eggs and it’s harder to conceive”) and family (“I want to see grandkids before I die”), worrying isn’t gonna get me a man. Actually it could, but what kind of man? I am not asking for something that is unattainable, I am not a diva. I am just a woman with a balanced idea of what I want, and I don’t see why I should compromise my balanced wants, so I will not. I don’t have pressure from friends, because the majority are in the same boat I am in, and many friends of friends are also in the same boat. The Black, single female… is this a crisis looming? Is it merely a drought, because men in our age group have already settled down? Do Black women need to consider dating outside of their own race, if this consideration has not already been pondered over and actioned? Or perhaps we should entertain becoming Cougars? My preference is black men in my age group, and whilst I can be open minded, this is my preference, and so what does the future hold?
I believed then, and I still believe now, there is someone for everyone. There is nothing wrong with me (I stress this bit, because people who are baffled as to why you are single usually convince themselves that you are the problem) and nothing for me has passed me. I will continue doing me, while armed with the confidence to do my bit, if I like what I see. Change is inevitable and magic happens every day, but how often do we notice?
Last week I was waiting for a friend at Shoreditch Station. A guy was entering the station, and bumped into me. He said sorry and smiled.
“Ok be honest, there is all this space and you bumped into me, did you do it on purpose to break the ice?” I asked playfully.
“No, I just misjudged my distance,” he replied while smiling.
I just raised my eyebrow and said, “Okay if you say so”.
We began to chat, and he told me he was on his way to work. I asked what he did and it seems he works in the same field as me, so the conversation continued. I asked if he was going to be late for work, and he said yes, but continued. I smiled and then began to pay more attention to him. 5ft 10, smooth dark skin, lovely straight white teeth, smartly dressed, and dare I say, regal in tone and stature, hard to describe. My friend arrived and he asked whether he could keep in touch so I gave him my email address.
Two days later an email arrived in my inbox, with the subject, ‘Mystic encounter’. I opened the email and it said:
“I don’t believe in coincidences, I am intrigued by you and would love to hear from you.
I believe what I believe, but I will say this cemented my belief further. Like attracts like. I know what I am looking for and I trust that my future partner/husband knows what he is looking for too, which we will both recognise when our paths cross. In today’s world, I understand that my way of thinking may appear fairytale and backwards, but it feels right for me.
Good luck on your own journey. I hope my insight has helped you to hone in and identify where you are, what you are actually looking for, establish whether the pressure you feel is actually yours or external, and given you the courage to speak up when you like what you see.
This is my last post as my challenge is over, but I promise I will update you if my status changes to “relationship” or “married”.
Copyright Naddine Bentley.