Is It So Bad For A Woman To Submit To Her Husband?



This past weekend I came across an article on the website Hello Beautiful that asked whether women are required to submit to their men in order for the relationship to be successful.  Now I know I’m not the only one who, upon hearing the word ‘submit’, automatically has visions of walking behind a man when out in public, bowing or curtseying any time he speaks to you, and begging instead of asking when you’d like something.  But is that what it really means?

I brought up this subject with a couple of my family and friends, and asked them what they thought.  One said she’s too much of a control freak to allow herself to be free enough to let a man take charge, so it’s too late for her, because submitting is not in her wiring.  Another said that submitting would result in her ending up in a mad person’s home, because she practically did it in her last relationhip and he almost drove her crazy.  But the third one said this:

“It’s a biblical principle and the only way a marriage can work.  Even a gay male union doesn’t generally have two alpha-male types knocking heads, one is generally the down/submissive type.  A relationship would be doomed to anger, insecurity and competitiveness with two alpha types.  It will wreak havoc on a man being a man as God intended if the woman is on a mission to assert herself as independent or above all the time – that would be exhausting.  Also, once a man loves and trusts you, and more importantly you love and trust him back, it’s quite natural to submit, because it’s what we’re wired to do.  And the point is – if it’s right there’s nothing to prove to him, because he’s accepted you as his equal, so as long as he sees you that’s way, it’s all good.”


Now I completely agree with what she said, and if you’re not a believer of God, a higher power or the Bible, then you can take those references out and still see the point.  Why wouldn’t you want a man to take charge and be in charge?  I remember a few years ago I went on two dates in the same week.  When I asked the first guy where we’re going and what time, etc, his answers were mostly “It’s up to you, whatever you want to do…” and I didn’t like that too much.  The second guy was like “We’ll meet at 8pm, at this place, and we’ll go and eat at this restaurant.”  I thought “Oooh, yes sir!”  If I wasn’t feeling his plan then I could easily say so and we’d compromise, but all-in-all he was a man who knew how to take charge, and I felt comfortable with him being in charge.  Submitting doesn’t have to mean you are weak.  Allowing someone to lead is less stress on you isn’t it?

I also imagine that at the time you’ve decided to let yourself be free in a relationship, you both would have already established that you’re in love with each other and want to work towards successfully being together and building a life with one another.  Therefore, you wouldn’t ‘submit’ yourself to a man who you’re unsure about, until he has proven to you that he deserves to have you as the ‘neck’ supporting his ‘head’.

What do you think about the whole issue surrounding being submissive?  Am I wrong and old school in my thinking?  Should I take cover before the militant feminists find me?  Or does it make sense?


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2 Responses

  1. Happilymarried says:

    Personally, when submission becomes a requirement it loses its appeal. For some women the vows of marriage are designed and written for the benefit of men, even the part where u traditionally take the man’s name!
    I submit because it is my choice, not because he said so!
    There ends the feminist rant!

    • lurvespy says:

      I don’t think it’s a requirement from the man that a woman submits. I think it’s the decision of the woman to do so.

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