Is Having That Initial ‘Spark’ Really Necessary For A Relationship?


When we got the opportunity to meet with a group of men to talk all things love, I was ecstatic! Why? Because, really and truly, men don’t engage in these kinds of topics… or do they??  Well, we were pleasantly surprised how open these guys were, so we felt it was only right to share some of these lessons with our lurvely readers.

Session 1. Boom boom boom!

He says he’s waiting for that girl he’ll be crazy about.  The one who gives him the “Boom boom boom!” feeling.  As I talk to more and more single men about what they are looking for, this is the recurring answer I get:

“I’m looking for that ‘connection’.”

I must admit, I (not so secretly) give the side eye to this response, and I’ll tell you why:  Yes I get it, we all want to experience that wow feeling, the Michael Jackson ‘Butterflies’ type of lurve.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to connect with someone that way.  I recall going on one particular date where I could hear the birds singing and the bells ringing. Cupid’s arrow had well and truly hit.  So I get it – once you’ve come face to face with that overwhelming emotion, it’s more than likely you’ll become an addict.  Nothing less will do, and anything else feels like you’re just settling.  It seems men are less likely to budge on this stance.

I was told recently by a male friend that because men are not as in tune with their emotions, when they do get the ‘love sweats’ it can be so overwhelming that they instantly connect this to “I must be with her, she is the one.” Men seem to be wired this way, whilst women are more inclined to wait it out and develop a relationship a bit more.  I’m not saying we women don’t need to feel some kind of connection, but surely this Holy quest can only mean a good number of relationships are unnecessarily dismissed or left unexplored, right?  There’s a difference between immediately knowing you are just not suited and calling it a quits, and calling it quits after a good foundation has been made where there is banter, the conversation flows and there is attraction, but for one reason or another it just didn’t work out.  Clearly if you suddenly feel the need to make your excuses and leave, then go. Run and don’t look back, but when you have nothing but positive things to say about a prospective candidate, what is holding you back from exploring further? We all know that most relationships start in a great place – the honeymoon period – but that initial spark is not going to last forever, that is a fact! But it’s undoubtedly going to turn into something else more lasting if it’s allowed to develop.

I can’t help but blame, and continue to blame, Disney; the notion of love at first sight and the perfect happy ever after.  They never show you what happens in 10 years’ time, do they? Let’s face it, unless you are in your teens, or early twenties, time is not on your side.  Now if you are on the darker side of 30, do you really have the same privileges to waste such precious time?  Let’s not discount someone just because the chemistry is not there straight away.  Love is silent, it takes time.  You may be surprised if you gave someone unexpected a chance.  Let’s spend more time building a relationship foundation. Getting to know each other can only bring about sparks that are longer lasting.

I say – keep the sparks for the bedroom, that’s where it truly matters!

By Nefertiti LDN

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